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other articles by Soulflower in the Archives
Giving Up the Ghost.
You can learn a lot from a dummy. How many times have you seen the
commercial on television about the ever popular crash dummies?
Unassuming and naïve they jump into their car and time after time slam
head on into a brick wall without the restraint of a seat belt. Their
sole purpose: to amplify the necessity of wearing seatbelts to save
lives. You would think that eventually they would learn for themselves
since they keep ending up broken and bruised? But alas, that is not to
be for their destiny is to forever be an example to others. Look around
at your friends and then at yourself? How many crash dummies do you
know? Sisters on their way to their no where with their no one at their
sides.
A sister emailed me a little while ago and asked me if I had any
articles on loving someone that doesn’t love you. Though I didn’t have
one written, there was enough real life experience in my head and my
heart for us to carry on an email discussion for quite a while. Using
her inspiration as a catalyst, I began to examine the reasons behind why
we as women cling to dysfunctional relationships in the first place. I
don’t know one woman that hasn’t experienced the sting of rejection or
the ache of a broken heart. I have witnessed it through others and they
have witnessed it through me and yet we all still fall prey. Maybe it’s
because we don’t want to go through the hurt of separation or experience
the period of loneliness in the meantime. It takes being able to face
the brutal truth about a situation to remove yourself from it. If you
have a friend that needs a dose of truth, pull her to the side and pour
out your testimony so that we can avoid another emotional wreck.
The truth hurts. Sometimes it is easier to hold on to the lie, because
the truth is bitter to the taste. Most women fashion reality in their
heads first. We envision what we want and then proceed to stitch squares
of deception together to create our own version of truth. For example: A
sister involved in a relationship with a married man believes him when
he says he’s unhappy with his wife and will seek a divorce. It is that
deception that she begins to build on as she plows full steam ahead for
the brick wall of reality. She’s traveling along in this imaginary car
with her imaginary married man and they may be speeding a little bit,
but in her reality she can handle it. The joy ride is swiftly coming to
an end because the only thing fueling their ride is her love for him and
his love for her love of him. He, unfortunately is only along for the
ride. Unbeknowst to her, he has bailed out prior to the crash so that
when she looks over to where she thought he was sitting, she realizes he
is not there. But in all actuality he never has been. From the
beginning, he was just a figment of her imagination, a mere ghost.
I can’t tell you how many times I have had to give up the ghost. I’ve
taken many a ride in the imaginary car with the imaginary man only to
find out in the end that I had been seeing a ghost. It so hard to
believe that you aren’t seeing what you think you’re seeing. Even more
difficult, is believing that you aren’t feeling what think you are
feeling. But just wait until you mess ‘round and hit that brick wall. It
will snap you out of it real quick. Your heart will get tired of the
cycle of now-you see-him-now you-don’t, and maybe then you will finally
strap on that seat belt of reality and turn your headlights on so you
can see. For those of you reading this that need to give up the ghost,
trust me, you really can and should learn a lot from a dummy. Ya Feel
Me?
by Bridgette Hogan
Ya feel me?
"poetry is my claim to fame, what's yours?
Email her if you would like to respond to this subject.
Bridgette is a contributing writer of Blacksonville.com |
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