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                A few months ago I wrote an article about emotional baggage and the wear and tear it can have on your soul if not properly addressed.  In retrospect, I have been wondering if it is possible to eliminate a “bag” before it manifests itself.  Allow me to explain.  I have 2 daughters:  one who’s father is in her life, and one who’s father is not.  I know all too well about the damaging affects of an absent father and wish very much to shield my daughter from the years of longing and searching for love and acceptance.  I am reminded of the scene in The Color Purple, where Shug is in the tub asking Celie if she “got any chilren’?”  Shug goes on to say; “Chilren’ gots to have a paw.  I never known any of ‘em to come out right, less deys’ a man around.”  What a profound statement.  To me, it speaks volumes about the neccessity of the presence of both parents in, not just girls, but all childrens’ lives.   It is also a bitter reminder about the distant relationship I share with my own father. 

                I worry about how my daughter will be affected by her father’s absence.   As hard as I try to instill confidence and self-assurance in her, will what I give her be enough?  The last thing I want for her is to embark on the empty quest of seeking love and adoration from man after man hoping to fill the void left by her irresponsible father.  For as much love and guidance as I can give, I cannot give her the comfort and love of her father.  The nurturing young girls receive from their fathers’ as they are growing is essential, as it helps to form their opinions and perceptions about men.  What an empty quest it is, this journey to acceptance.  The pitfalls and snares encompass you and restrict your movement, prohibit your growth. 

                There are women out there reading this who can relate and recognize how the absence of their fathers’ made drastic differences in their lives.  Women who have felt inferior or who have experienced promiscuity in either their adolescent or adult lives.  Women who have fallen in love over and over with the same kind of man not knowing why only to get the same results time and time again.  Women who have fallen prey to the promise of unconditional love only to find that the idea of that only exists in their longing for the missing link in their lives.  Women who seek refuge in relationships in an effort to be “saved.”   In the absence of  “Daddy”, we have missed our lessons in self assurance and self sufficiency.  The balance that we need within our souls comes from the nurturing of both parents.   Basic math here y’all:   if two halves create a whole, then it stands to reason that one half can’t be whole. 

                I guess you could call this an open plea to those men out there near or far who have a daughter or son they are estranged from for whatever reason.  It is imperative that you take in active role in the lives of your children.  Their emotional well-being depends on it.  There future depends on it.  Everything that a child is exposed to as they are growing up manifests itself in some way in its adult life.  There are too many children slipping through the cracks and falling by the wayside.  Just as there are too many sisters trying to carry heavy loads all by themselves.  I know all too well that the load gets heavy sometimes.  And no matter how far you try to stretch, your arms just don’t reach far enough.  Ya feel me????

                                                                                  by Bridgette Hogan
                                                                                       Ya feel me?  
      Email her if you would like to respond to this subject at: soulflower@blacksonville.com

Bridgette is a contributing writer of Blacksonville.com