Know where your power lies.

If we can only get to know ourselves, to know that in us is a sovereign power, is an authority that is absolute, then in the next twenty-four hours we would have a new race, we would have a nation, an empire, resurrected, not from the will of others to see us rise, but from our own determination to rise, irrespective of what the world thinks

-Hon. Marcus Garvey

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Hug yourselves my sisters. Give yourselves some unconditional, non-judgmental love. We have got to learn how to love ourselves. Some of my girlfriends and I were doing some self checking the other day, (a sister gotta' stay on top of her game if she wanna' grow, right?) and we came to realize that when it comes to relationships with men, we often tend to relax our normal boundaries. Often times this leads to disappointment and heart break. To the outside world, we are tough and take no mess. On the job, we make our position clear and do not compromise that for anything. But let us really, really fall for a brother and that tough exterior disappears quicker than an income tax refund! We get all soft and squishy, kinda like a marshmallow. I mean we can sometimes go really soft. Lose ourselves. Talking to others made me realize that in order to get to the core of the problem I had to really look at myself in the mirror. Surprisingly, I realized that there are items in my closet that I wouldn’t lend to my best girlfriend, but I have been guilty of letting my heart go freely without hesitation. What is wrong with this picture?

Ladies, we must empower ourselves in order to enter a well-rounded and whole relationship . Many of us seek relationships to make us whole and this is where we go wrong. The reality of the situation is a relationship should be sweet refuge. We need to stop settling for that brother that only gives us a half cup of his love when we know in our hearts what we want and need and deserve is a full cup. But until we vocally request that, in our actions and in our demeanor, we will not receive. It is almost as simple as just forming the appropriate questions to ourselves: Am I worthy? Am I deserving of true love? The answer to these questions lies within.

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Bridgette Hogan is a contributing writer to Blacksonville.com. If you have any questions or comments, you can email Bridgette at soulflower@blacksonville.com